1 00:00:07,691 --> 00:00:08,824 Ned: When I was a kid, 2 00:00:08,825 --> 00:00:10,201 I wanted to be Clark Kent, 3 00:00:10,202 --> 00:00:11,661 saving the world, by working at a newspaper. 4 00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:13,996 - Have you read this paper? - Uh-huh. It sucks. 5 00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:16,374 - Mare: You- [laughs] - Ned: We are going to make it better. 6 00:00:16,375 --> 00:00:18,334 Why don't we talk after you meet your new boss, though. 7 00:00:18,335 --> 00:00:21,337 My name is Esmeralda Grand, managing editor. 8 00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:23,798 I'm also in charge of TTT Online. 9 00:00:23,799 --> 00:00:25,424 They hired me to be the editor-in-chief. 10 00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:26,968 - Mare: Above Esmeralda? - Ned: Yeah. 11 00:00:26,969 --> 00:00:28,970 Esmeralda: Ned has cockroach DNA. - [Ned gasps] 12 00:00:28,971 --> 00:00:32,682 You try to smash it, but then it doesn't die? That's Ned. 13 00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:35,393 Outstanding print coverage, Toledo Truth Teller. 14 00:00:35,394 --> 00:00:36,519 Yeah! 15 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,854 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. 16 00:00:38,855 --> 00:00:41,566 - Announcer: And the winner is Mare Pritti. - Oh, my God. 17 00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:42,333 [screaming] 18 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,861 Oscar Martinez for Mr. Digit. 19 00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,989 - [thuds] - [all gasp] - Ah, for- Goddamn it. 20 00:00:47,990 --> 00:00:51,701 - I think we need to break up. - We aren't in that kind of a relationship. 21 00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:53,953 - I kind of was, though. - [Nicole cries] 22 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,163 - You don't think I wanna kiss you? - I have no- 23 00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:58,291 I wanna kiss you. This would be the classic, 24 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,102 fastest way to mess everything up. 25 00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,045 God. 26 00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:04,231 Oh, shit. 27 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:07,675 Ned: What do you do when you get everything 28 00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,802 you ever wanted in one night? 29 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,887 You ask for more. 30 00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:13,389 It's called momentum. 31 00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:16,976 Two nights ago, we swept the Ohio Journalism Awards. 32 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,396 And so now is the perfect time to get what we need from Marv. 33 00:01:20,397 --> 00:01:24,108 I have a wish list, right? Of a hundred thousand dollars. 34 00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:26,569 And today I am gonna get it. 35 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,988 - [horn honking] - Woo, woo. 36 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,239 [gasps] Oh. 37 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,409 - Hey. The light's red. - All right. 38 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:36,037 The important thing is picking the right moment... 39 00:01:36,038 --> 00:01:38,664 - Driver: I'm talking to you, you ginger f- - ...to ask Marv. 40 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,124 My main man Gabe. 41 00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:43,085 May I present to you the award-winning staff 42 00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:44,462 of the Toledo Truth Teller? 43 00:01:44,463 --> 00:01:46,422 Oscar, tell the man what you won for. 44 00:01:46,423 --> 00:01:50,051 Oh, Mr. Digit. Maybe you're familiar? 45 00:01:50,052 --> 00:01:51,761 We are having some celebratory drinks 46 00:01:51,762 --> 00:01:53,387 this afternoon at the Macaroni Barn. 47 00:01:53,388 --> 00:01:55,139 Best ziti in that neighborhood. 48 00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,932 For floor nine from a Marv Putnam. 49 00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:59,477 - Oh, my God, Marv got us flowers. - Oscar: Whoa. 50 00:01:59,478 --> 00:02:01,270 I haven't gotten flowers since prom. 51 00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:03,439 Shoot. I should have thought of that. 52 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,484 What's... What's better than flowers? 53 00:02:06,485 --> 00:02:08,944 - Edible arrangements? Oh. [sighs] - Balloons. 54 00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:11,405 - [elevator bell dings] - [Panic! At The Disco's "High Hopes" playing] 55 00:02:11,406 --> 00:02:12,883 Hold it up, hold it up. 56 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,038 Ha! 57 00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,957 ? Had to have high, high hopes For a living ? 58 00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:24,669 ? Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing ? 59 00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,962 - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. - ["High Hopes" continues] 60 00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,882 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Good God, Ned, turn that off! 61 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,260 - [song continues] - ? Had to have high, high hopes For a living ? 62 00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:35,888 - What's going on? - Use your eyes, pal. 63 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,306 A man is dead. 64 00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:39,934 - ["High Hopes" continues] - Siri, turn down. 65 00:02:39,935 --> 00:02:42,853 Siri: Playing "Turn Down for What" by DJ Snake and Lil Jon. 66 00:02:42,854 --> 00:02:44,814 - ["Turn Down for What" playing] - No. Turn it off, turn it off. 67 00:02:44,815 --> 00:02:47,692 - Ned! - Siri, I- Siri! Turn off! 68 00:02:47,693 --> 00:02:49,360 - [phone beeps] - [silence] 69 00:02:49,361 --> 00:02:51,463 Who-? Who died? 70 00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:53,656 Bill Patterson is dead. 71 00:02:53,657 --> 00:02:55,707 - [Marv sniffs] - [Office Worker cries] 72 00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,911 One of the Softees guys. 73 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:02,123 One of the human beings you've been working with for months. 74 00:03:02,124 --> 00:03:04,166 - [Kimberly cries] - [Ann sighs] 75 00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,876 Bill! 76 00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:08,170 Oh, no! Why? 77 00:03:08,171 --> 00:03:10,840 [wailing dramatically] Oh, Bill! 78 00:03:10,841 --> 00:03:12,091 [sobs] 79 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,443 Who turned off the music? 80 00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:19,282 {\an8}[The Scrantones' "Song from the Ninth Floor" playing] 81 00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:45,559 [keyboard clacking] 82 00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:50,856 {\an8}Mare [chuckling]: Yeah, it was a magical weekend. 83 00:03:52,174 --> 00:03:53,674 {\an8}Whoa, heh, magical? 84 00:03:53,675 --> 00:03:56,218 {\an8}Who am I, Minnie Mouse? Uh... 85 00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:57,959 {\an8}I just mean professionally. 86 00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:02,683 I was excited for Sunday to end and Monday to begin. 87 00:04:02,684 --> 00:04:04,453 That's never happened before. 88 00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:08,230 But, um, sad for Bill. 89 00:04:08,231 --> 00:04:09,940 Whenever they make a sale, the Softees guys 90 00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:12,443 ring this gong right behind Adelola. 91 00:04:12,444 --> 00:04:14,069 - [gong rings] - Oh! [gasps] 92 00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:17,072 Bill was one of the ones that loved to surprise you. 93 00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:18,574 Bill loved to ring that gong. 94 00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:20,242 I will think of him every time 95 00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,786 I hear a loud surprising noise. 96 00:04:21,787 --> 00:04:25,080 We could focus on this last weekend and who won awards, 97 00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:28,667 or who was tricked into drinking more than she should have, 98 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:33,923 but I think that Marv wants us to be focused on Bill. 99 00:04:33,924 --> 00:04:37,176 - Do we know what happened? - It sounds like it was a fire. 100 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,094 That's awful. 101 00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:41,472 Poor Bill. Bill, Bill, Bill. 102 00:04:41,473 --> 00:04:44,642 Bill- Bill was the one with the birthmark, right? 103 00:04:44,643 --> 00:04:45,693 No. 104 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:52,107 He's dead? Our Bill gone? 105 00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,460 No, no, no. 106 00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:59,424 [dramatically] He's dead. Our Bill. Gone. 107 00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:02,284 Yes, eccolo. Brava. 108 00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:03,828 He's dead. 109 00:05:03,829 --> 00:05:05,246 Our Bill. 110 00:05:05,247 --> 00:05:07,039 Gone. 111 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,417 Marv, I just wanted to apologize 112 00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:12,002 for the music and dancing earlier. 113 00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:13,838 - It's all right, buddy. - I did not know. I didn't know. 114 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:17,466 - You were in shock. - [sighs] Sweet Bill. 115 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,552 Where does the soul go, I wonder? 116 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,638 I know the salary is funneled back into the company 117 00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:24,765 to be repurposed for the living, 118 00:05:24,766 --> 00:05:28,102 who knows, maybe even some to his beloved Truth Teller. 119 00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:32,731 No, because that would be spitting on his grave. 120 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:36,360 To be honest, he had no respect for you, Ned. 121 00:05:36,361 --> 00:05:38,654 - He thought you were all nerds. - It's true. 122 00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:40,072 Marv: You know, uh, Esmeralda, 123 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:44,159 I was unaware that you and Bill were so close? 124 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,661 Yes, we were. 125 00:05:45,662 --> 00:05:47,830 Esmeralda made out once with Bill. 126 00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:50,833 In his car outside the Macaroni Barn. 127 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:53,752 I don't think she made eye contact with him after that. 128 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:56,755 Are you guys able to continue today? 129 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,341 Of course. The Truth must be told. 130 00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:02,177 Even if it's difficult or expensive. 131 00:06:02,178 --> 00:06:05,681 Well, for me, I might need paid leave. [sniffs] 132 00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:07,766 Details can be discussed later. 133 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:11,729 But to be honest I fear to be alone right now. 134 00:06:11,730 --> 00:06:15,232 You know, look, I'm shaking. 135 00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:16,942 - Marv: You're only human. - Esmaralda: I can't. 136 00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,694 - Marv: We're all in this together. - I can't. Yeah. 137 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:21,030 You know, we should write up something nice for Bill. 138 00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:23,449 - I mean, he really was the best of us. - Mmm. 139 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,867 You know what? 140 00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:27,661 We can put it on TTT Online immediately. 141 00:06:27,662 --> 00:06:30,623 Instead of their worst night, headline, 142 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:34,835 "He really was the best of us, from Marv Putnam." 143 00:06:34,836 --> 00:06:37,713 The headline's gonna read, "from Marv Putnam"? 144 00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:39,548 The most important part, yeah. 145 00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:41,550 The biggest part. Shut up. 146 00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,177 - That's great, Esmeralda. - Yeah. 147 00:06:43,178 --> 00:06:45,554 Maybe, Ned, you can get your team together? 148 00:06:45,555 --> 00:06:47,181 Write up something special. 149 00:06:47,182 --> 00:06:49,391 You know, something his family can frame. 150 00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,726 - For Bill. - For Bill. 151 00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:53,062 {\an8}- For Bill. - For Bill. 152 00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:55,397 [softly] No, no, no. 153 00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:56,398 That's- It's- 154 00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,608 [popping loudly] 155 00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:59,068 Thank you so much. 156 00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,402 I really appreciate it. 157 00:07:00,403 --> 00:07:02,071 - Marv: It's gonna be okay. - It won't. 158 00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:03,948 It's gonna be okay. 159 00:07:03,949 --> 00:07:04,782 It's all right. 160 00:07:04,783 --> 00:07:06,926 Ned, nice touch, bud. 161 00:07:09,788 --> 00:07:11,580 Ken: Bill will be sorely missed. 162 00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:15,000 There is a huge void around here. 163 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,461 If you could choose one person to die on this floor, 164 00:07:17,462 --> 00:07:19,088 - it would not be Bill. - [sighs] 165 00:07:19,089 --> 00:07:21,465 Purely in terms of earnings and how much he'd be missed, 166 00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:23,550 Alexander's gotta be in the conversation. 167 00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:25,094 But God has chosen to take Bill. 168 00:07:25,095 --> 00:07:28,263 And you can't argue with God. Al might be next. 169 00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,784 So I've stepped up to the plate, is what I've done. 170 00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:33,644 In a sales capacity. 171 00:07:33,645 --> 00:07:35,270 For Bill. 172 00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:37,999 And he left some bloody big shoes to fill. 173 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,109 [Ned sighs] 174 00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:10,556 Is Bill's death really a front page event, Ned? 175 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:13,726 Yes. Fragility of life. It's universal. 176 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,477 It's the tightrope we're all walking. 177 00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:17,479 You could be murdered tonight. 178 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,772 - Wow. - Mm-hm. 179 00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:20,441 It's usually someone you know. 180 00:08:20,442 --> 00:08:22,151 - Ned: Hey. - How's it going team? 181 00:08:22,152 --> 00:08:23,218 Well, one of the boys 182 00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:26,280 at the toilet paper company died today, Marvin. 183 00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:28,115 That's right, Barry. 184 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:30,993 Uh, Mare, could you shrink the part about the awards down? 185 00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:33,412 - No boasting today. - Sure thing. 186 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,515 - Oh. - More. 187 00:08:36,207 --> 00:08:37,666 - Oh. - More. 188 00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,334 Smaller. A little more. 189 00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:41,462 - [sighs] - Smaller. 190 00:08:41,463 --> 00:08:43,547 - Oh... - Yep, that'll do. 191 00:08:43,548 --> 00:08:45,799 Now bring it down to the bottom. Yep. 192 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,843 - Are we sure? - It's tone-deaf. 193 00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:51,138 Now, who's working on the life and death of Bill today? 194 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,850 - Uh... Nicole. Nicole's on it. - Marv: I want them all on it. 195 00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:56,769 Team, I want you to write 196 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,396 the best article you've ever written. 197 00:08:59,397 --> 00:09:01,607 Research the hell out of our guy. 198 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,984 I wanna send him to Valhalla with our words. 199 00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:05,986 - Everyone, come on! Let's do it. - Bill! 200 00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:08,530 - For Bill! For Bill! - Yeah. 201 00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:09,698 - Okay. - [mouths] Fart! 202 00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:10,925 Where's Valhalla? 203 00:09:16,247 --> 00:09:17,297 Hey, what's up? 204 00:09:20,668 --> 00:09:21,877 [coughs] 205 00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:23,504 I'm doing amazing. 206 00:09:23,505 --> 00:09:24,647 Why? 207 00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:28,592 So were you guys friends? 208 00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:30,219 We were more like comrades. 209 00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,221 We saw a lot of crazy shit together. 210 00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:35,140 - Selling toilet paper? - Exactly. 211 00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,310 - Did he have any hobbies? - I think he liked to cook. 212 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,729 Every time I asked him what he did over the weekend, 213 00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,690 he was like "cooking" or "I cooked" 214 00:09:43,691 --> 00:09:45,859 or "I spent my time cooking." 215 00:09:45,860 --> 00:09:48,737 It's kind of fitting that he loved to cook, 216 00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:50,280 and then he was cooked. 217 00:09:50,281 --> 00:09:51,448 [tearfully] Yeah. 218 00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:53,092 [sobbing] 219 00:09:53,287 --> 00:09:56,620 Detrick: Was anyone else killed? 220 00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:58,122 No. He was the only fatality. 221 00:09:58,123 --> 00:09:59,748 The fire was limited to that apartment. 222 00:09:59,749 --> 00:10:03,001 Do you know if he like, warned everybody else in the building? 223 00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:06,046 Or I don't know, sacrificed himself to save others? 224 00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:07,881 - Anything heroic? - No, no. 225 00:10:07,882 --> 00:10:09,258 It looks like he just panicked in there 226 00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:10,225 and died like an animal. 227 00:10:10,226 --> 00:10:12,010 You can see fingernail scratches on the door. 228 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,113 Do you think he was in pain? 229 00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:16,148 Yeah. 230 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,059 That guy sucked. 231 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:20,978 He showed his guns to my kids. 232 00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:23,272 Well, maybe he was a veteran, sir? 233 00:10:23,273 --> 00:10:24,323 Neighbor: Hey! 234 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,902 We keep our mouths shut on this block. 235 00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:30,904 Let me handle this. Hey, what's up, OG. 236 00:10:30,905 --> 00:10:33,740 - Look, we ain't trying to get you to snitch. - Move along, young brothers. 237 00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:35,117 We're not the police. I just wanna get- 238 00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,035 I know you heard what I said. 239 00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:38,495 - I think we should go. - Yeah. 240 00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:39,997 - Yeah, let's go. - Sorry. 241 00:10:39,998 --> 00:10:42,416 I'm about to ask Marv for a $100,000, 242 00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:44,168 and these are the best quotes you could get? 243 00:10:44,169 --> 00:10:46,336 You couldn't find anything even remotely positive? 244 00:10:46,337 --> 00:10:48,922 Ned, something was really up with this guy. 245 00:10:48,923 --> 00:10:50,799 Nah. We did not get good vibes, man. 246 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,759 Well, what are we supposed to write then? 247 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:57,472 That he showed guns to kids and burned slowly in a fire? 248 00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:58,700 Esmaralda: Uh... 249 00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:04,521 I didn't know how, but now I know how. 250 00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:05,689 Why, Ned? 251 00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:08,650 - Insensitive. - I- I'm sorry. 252 00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:12,237 So, what have we learned about my Bill? 253 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:15,073 We've... We've learned a lot, actually, Marv. 254 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:16,783 - It's gonna be great. - Marv: Good. 255 00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:18,202 Macaroni Barn's gonna be 256 00:11:18,203 --> 00:11:20,204 a celebration of life for Bill now. 257 00:11:20,205 --> 00:11:22,998 What about our party, for the Academy Award? 258 00:11:22,999 --> 00:11:24,958 No, that's-that's a great idea. 259 00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:26,460 It's very, very appropriate, yes. 260 00:11:26,461 --> 00:11:28,545 Nicole: We need to turn the Victory Vermouth 261 00:11:28,546 --> 00:11:30,214 into Bill on the Rocks then. 262 00:11:30,215 --> 00:11:32,901 I'll make sure there's no Fireball in it. 263 00:11:34,969 --> 00:11:36,303 She's really on it. 264 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,388 Is your piece gonna be ready in time? 265 00:11:38,389 --> 00:11:40,641 - Yes. Yes, of course. - Marv: Okay, good. 266 00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:43,977 I am going to read it out loud today at the memorial. 267 00:11:43,978 --> 00:11:46,480 And Bill's sister and mother are gonna be there. 268 00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:47,856 Oh... 269 00:11:47,857 --> 00:11:50,025 Great. Will do, sir. 270 00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:54,404 It's gonna be the best summation of a wonderful life ever. 271 00:11:54,405 --> 00:11:56,240 Keep it up, guys. 272 00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:57,291 Thank you. 273 00:11:58,159 --> 00:12:00,202 Hey, uh, interesting Photoshop. 274 00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:02,454 - [Mare laughs] - Ned: Oh. 275 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,351 - Yeah, huh? - This weekend was pretty great, right? 276 00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:09,002 Yeah, it was great. 277 00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:10,587 I think everyone had a good time. 278 00:12:10,588 --> 00:12:13,340 Hey, could you gather everyone in the conference room? 279 00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:17,195 - We have to finish Bill's piece. - Uh-huh. Yeah. 280 00:12:18,265 --> 00:12:21,390 Okay, so everything on this guy's 281 00:12:21,391 --> 00:12:23,267 start paperwork seems to be false. 282 00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:26,019 His home phone number starts with 5-5-5, 283 00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:27,980 and he spelled Illinois wrong. 284 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,356 No, that's right. 285 00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,775 But I'm not seeing any school records. 286 00:12:31,776 --> 00:12:33,568 At least not by the name we knew him by. 287 00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:35,279 I found this in his desk. 288 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,364 Do you think he was in the army, Mare? 289 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,950 It's no U.S. branch that I know of. 290 00:12:39,951 --> 00:12:41,868 Wait, but you can see his last name. 291 00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:44,138 - Egorov. - Ned: Egorov? 292 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,791 What military has a skull as their insignia? 293 00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:50,460 Travis: Okay, I just found Bill Egorov's SoundCloud. 294 00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:54,089 He has one song called "Morphine and Ice Cream." 295 00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:56,508 - [piano chord plays] - Bill: I regret every moment 296 00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,137 - that I let hate win in my life. - [piano chord plays] 297 00:13:00,138 --> 00:13:03,598 I was judging people just by the color of their skin. 298 00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:06,143 - That's called being racist. - [piano chord plays] 299 00:13:06,144 --> 00:13:10,147 ? And then I met This beautiful girl ? 300 00:13:10,148 --> 00:13:16,403 - [piano chord plays] - ? She was a Peruvian and she Changed my whole world ? 301 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:19,156 Travis, can you please turn it off? 302 00:13:19,157 --> 00:13:21,325 Not everybody should have a creative outlet. 303 00:13:21,326 --> 00:13:24,953 Okay, the flag they're holding? It's the Wagner Group. 304 00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,788 - It's mercenaries. - What? 305 00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:28,623 Who the hell is this guy? 306 00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:29,708 [phone buzzing] 307 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,335 See? 308 00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:33,253 Yeah. Hello? 309 00:13:33,254 --> 00:13:36,548 Yes, we can be there in 10 minutes. Great, thank you. 310 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,509 - Who was that? - It's the morgue. They have Bill's remains. 311 00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:41,178 They said we could come ask some questions. 312 00:13:41,179 --> 00:13:44,198 - Mare, let's go. - Sure. Love the morgue. 313 00:13:45,099 --> 00:13:46,350 Oh, and also Travis. 314 00:13:46,351 --> 00:13:48,226 Travis, you come too, buddy. 315 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,770 We'll take your truck. 316 00:13:49,771 --> 00:13:51,188 I don't drive a truck. 317 00:13:51,189 --> 00:13:52,689 I find that kind of offensive. 318 00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:56,377 I drive a regular car, it's small. Two doors. 319 00:13:57,643 --> 00:14:00,989 The fire started at 1 a.m. in his kitchen. 320 00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,449 What was he cooking at 1 a.m.? 321 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:05,035 - A roast? - For the homeless, maybe? 322 00:14:05,036 --> 00:14:07,120 Show us the body, sir. Let's see him. 323 00:14:07,121 --> 00:14:09,247 - [sighs] - Oh. 324 00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,332 Bill. 325 00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,376 Which end is which? 326 00:14:12,377 --> 00:14:15,295 - My God, what's that long thing? - Is that his penis? 327 00:14:15,296 --> 00:14:16,963 Oh, no, his penis is long gone. 328 00:14:16,964 --> 00:14:21,426 What we thought was Bill's penis turned out to be his tailbone. 329 00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,053 The penis is actually quite fragile. 330 00:14:23,054 --> 00:14:24,388 It's all sponge. 331 00:14:24,389 --> 00:14:25,931 It's the first thing to go up in a fire. 332 00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:30,394 And Bill's bladder was unfortunately full of alcohol. 333 00:14:30,395 --> 00:14:31,728 So in this case, 334 00:14:31,729 --> 00:14:33,105 his penis was almost like 335 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,440 the wick to a Molotov cocktail. 336 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,359 I've actually seen a couple of cases like this. 337 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,361 Looks like he was working with some type of accelerant. 338 00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:41,780 Accelerant? Well, he loved to cook. 339 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,782 Maybe he was trying some sort of gourmet dish? 340 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,451 If you consider high-quality meth a gourmet dish. 341 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,912 He was a [bleep] meth dealer? 342 00:14:48,913 --> 00:14:51,123 - I mean... - Goddamn it. 343 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,749 - [Travis sneezes] - [remains scattering] 344 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,393 [sniffs] Oh, man. 345 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:56,979 [exhales] 346 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:04,237 - [phone rings] - Ken speaking. 347 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:09,391 No, Bill has, um, stepped out momentarily. 348 00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:11,685 So you are in my safe hands now. 349 00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:13,287 How can I help you? 350 00:15:14,355 --> 00:15:15,522 Right. 351 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:19,943 And what sort of quantity for the order would that be? 352 00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:21,445 Twenty grams? 353 00:15:21,446 --> 00:15:25,031 You have correctly identified me 354 00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:27,260 as being a man from a metric country. 355 00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:29,953 [sobbing] 356 00:15:29,954 --> 00:15:32,622 Detrick: Yeah, I've been going through it the last few days. 357 00:15:32,623 --> 00:15:35,333 Just been ruminating on the shortness of life. 358 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,169 But also, how long it always feels 359 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,545 between breakfast and lunch. 360 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,130 Travis: From what I've deduced, 361 00:15:40,131 --> 00:15:41,673 {\an8}I think Detrick developed a little hole 362 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,425 {\an8}in his love life over the weekend. 363 00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:45,844 And that is a hole that I'm looking to fill. 364 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:49,699 I'm about to stuff myself all up in there. Mm. 365 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,483 Um... 366 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,269 Platonically speaking, of course. 367 00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:56,980 Just with some classic friendship. 368 00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:59,024 [stammers] Uh... 369 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,859 Could we do take two, actually? Please? 370 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:04,654 - Pretty insane, huh? - This shit is crazy, bro. 371 00:16:04,655 --> 00:16:07,032 - Were you guys tight? - No, not really. 372 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,701 - It's hard to be tight with people you intimidate. - [sighs] Mm. 373 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,370 Hey question for you, after Macaroni Barn tonight, 374 00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:15,373 do you want to go get [bleep] up with me? 375 00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:17,209 - It's a Monday. - Exactly. 376 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,211 It's Margarita Mondays at O'Shays. 377 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,004 Which means affordable liquor 378 00:16:21,005 --> 00:16:23,298 and at least five fine-as-hell urgent care nurses 379 00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:24,883 who just got off shift next door. 380 00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,110 What do you think? 381 00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:29,304 - Let's do it. Yup. - You down? Bro. 382 00:16:29,305 --> 00:16:31,223 - That's what I'm talking about. - Boys' night out? 383 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:35,203 - What's up? - You got- You got room for another boy? 384 00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:37,771 - Um... - I mean, it was maybe- 385 00:16:37,772 --> 00:16:40,690 - We had planned- - I can get the drinks. 386 00:16:40,691 --> 00:16:41,733 - Okay. - Yeah? 387 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,401 - Yeah. - Cool. - Ned: Whoo. 388 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:44,819 - Travis: Yeah, raise the roof. - Ned: Absolutely. 389 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,906 I didn't know Ned liked margaritas that much. 390 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,092 Or the whole urgent care crowd. 391 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,222 It's just interesting, that's all. 392 00:16:56,290 --> 00:17:00,228 Right. So that is one 12-pack. 393 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,255 For the special price. 394 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,757 And how much is that again? 395 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,808 Bloody hell. 396 00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,221 That's how much Bill was charging for a 12-pack? 397 00:17:11,222 --> 00:17:12,264 That's fantastic. 398 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,765 I knew Bill was all salesman, 399 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,183 but, uh, my goodness. 400 00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,894 You can't teach that. The up-charging on that. 401 00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:19,437 Fantastic. 402 00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,147 I'll say this, I hope the angels 403 00:17:21,148 --> 00:17:23,066 are watching their wallets up there. 404 00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:25,777 Because Bill was an absolute shark. 405 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,238 What are we gonna do? We have to get this out by 6. 406 00:17:28,239 --> 00:17:30,782 I know. I'm just- This is... 407 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,450 Oh, man. My head hurts. 408 00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:33,761 I've got you, boss. 409 00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:36,496 It's all right, Barry. 410 00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:39,291 - [blowing forcefully] - Oh. 411 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,625 - Relax. - Oh, wow. It's- 412 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,562 - Relax. - Oh, this feels amazing. 413 00:17:46,215 --> 00:17:47,858 Okay. Ned. 414 00:17:47,919 --> 00:17:49,968 - [moans] - Ned? 415 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,219 Are we going to be able 416 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:52,887 to put the awards on the front page? 417 00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:55,348 Not that it's the only thing I care about. 418 00:17:55,349 --> 00:17:57,392 I just told my mom already. 419 00:17:57,393 --> 00:17:59,311 At this point, absolutely not. 420 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,729 - Okay. - Sorry. 421 00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:03,565 Barry. I love you. 422 00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,169 [sadly] It's kind of like the awards night never happened. 423 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,195 [happily] It's kind of like 424 00:18:09,196 --> 00:18:11,615 the awards night never happened. 425 00:18:11,616 --> 00:18:13,342 [laughs] 426 00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:18,204 Marv: Esmeralda, thank you 427 00:18:18,205 --> 00:18:19,372 for enlarging this beautiful photo. 428 00:18:19,373 --> 00:18:21,333 And I showed Bill's mom what you posted. 429 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:25,295 So nice to see Bill in that light. 430 00:18:25,296 --> 00:18:27,547 No one ever spoke about him that way. 431 00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:30,359 I did. I did, mama. 432 00:18:31,218 --> 00:18:33,553 So sorry for your loss. 433 00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:35,906 I remember seeing Bill... 434 00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:41,269 Ned's team runs the Toledo Truth Teller. 435 00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:43,271 They've worked up a wonderful profile 436 00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:45,273 on your Bill that's gonna run tomorrow. 437 00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:49,069 - Oh. - I thought I'd have Ned read it, if that's okay with you? 438 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:50,862 - [sighs] - [sighs] 439 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:54,407 Maybe after Ned, I could read my piece. 440 00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:55,909 To headline. 441 00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:57,327 And for closure. 442 00:18:57,328 --> 00:18:58,745 Whatever you need. 443 00:18:58,746 --> 00:18:59,412 Thank you. 444 00:18:59,413 --> 00:19:02,082 Marv, could I have a moment? 445 00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:03,667 - Sure. - Nice to meet you. 446 00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,087 Jesus on a merry-go-round! The Wagner Group? 447 00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,421 The headline on TTT 448 00:19:08,422 --> 00:19:11,424 has me saying he's the best guy I know. 449 00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:14,010 - I can't believe this. - Yeah, it's bad. 450 00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:16,554 Hey, could the paper have a hundred thousand dollars 451 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,949 - for overtime and new laptops? - What? 452 00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:21,351 No. 453 00:19:21,352 --> 00:19:22,936 Ned, is this true? 454 00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:26,648 - Yes, yes. Unfortunately, yes. - [sighs] 455 00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:28,817 Well, I don't know what to say. 456 00:19:28,818 --> 00:19:30,878 I guess I really can't pick them. 457 00:19:32,613 --> 00:19:34,280 So I- I shouldn't read it? 458 00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:36,675 Ned, what's the name of our paper? 459 00:19:37,195 --> 00:19:39,244 All right. 460 00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,122 Bill was a complicated man. 461 00:19:42,123 --> 00:19:45,792 He kept to himself, he sold toilet paper. 462 00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:47,711 He loved to wear the Enervate "E" 463 00:19:47,712 --> 00:19:49,629 at our company Christmas can drive 464 00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:51,131 where he delighted many children, 465 00:19:51,132 --> 00:19:54,610 although he probably delighted more teenagers... 466 00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:58,763 because he also made and distributed methamphetamine. 467 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,640 - What? - [gasping, murmuring] - Ned: What else? 468 00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:03,685 He had 47 confirmed kills as a mercenary. 469 00:20:03,686 --> 00:20:06,479 I just verified that with an old- 470 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,356 I wanna say army buddy of his. 471 00:20:08,357 --> 00:20:09,566 Mm-hm. 472 00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:11,735 He was a world traveler. 473 00:20:11,736 --> 00:20:17,699 He traveled everywhere, the Congo, Syria, Darfur. 474 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:21,077 That's our Bill. Total piece of shit. 475 00:20:21,078 --> 00:20:23,955 - Remember when he robbed... - Hey, Esmeralda, 476 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,291 I think you said you wanted to speak last, right? 477 00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,710 - Yeah. But I might be good, actually. - Everybody! 478 00:20:28,711 --> 00:20:32,172 Everybody, Bill's girlfriend, Esmeralda. 479 00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:33,590 You know her here. 480 00:20:33,591 --> 00:20:36,551 She'd like to say a few words about her boo. 481 00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:38,386 - Esmaralda: Thank you. - You're welcome. 482 00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:40,221 Give it up for Esmeralda Grand, everybody. 483 00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:42,152 [Adelola cheers enthusiastically] 484 00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:46,770 Allora, uh... 485 00:20:46,771 --> 00:20:49,397 Yes, we are all here to remember Bill, sure. 486 00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:51,149 But let's not forget 487 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,986 the original purpose of this celebration. 488 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:59,491 The many awards for the Toledo Truth Teller! 489 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,534 Three awards! 490 00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:03,828 - Let's have a round of applause. - [applause] 491 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:04,879 [chuckles] 492 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,249 I really appreciate all the hard work today, guys. 493 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:09,751 - Sure. - It's good. 494 00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:13,046 Mare, what did we end up going with for the front page? 495 00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:15,089 Mare: There it is. 496 00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:17,217 Ooh. Well, better than nothing. 497 00:21:17,218 --> 00:21:20,845 - I guess. - All right, 6 p.m. Good work today. 498 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:24,015 Thank you very much. I'll send that to the printers. 499 00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,225 Sweet. 500 00:21:25,226 --> 00:21:26,744 I'll see you tomorrow? 501 00:21:27,394 --> 00:21:28,853 Yeah. 502 00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,730 - See you tomorrow, everybody! - Good night, Ned. 503 00:21:30,731 --> 00:21:31,999 - Night. - Good night. 504 00:21:35,986 --> 00:21:37,087 [sighs] 505 00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:49,767 Mare: Whoa. 506 00:22:03,681 --> 00:22:05,181 What the [bleep]? 507 00:22:05,182 --> 00:22:07,559 I can't believe we got away with it all day. 508 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,185 We totally- We totally fooled them. 509 00:22:09,186 --> 00:22:12,272 - Yeah, you fooled everybody. - You were so amazing. 510 00:22:12,273 --> 00:22:14,399 At one point I thought you were really scowling at me. 511 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,609 Mare: Well, yeah, you've barely looked at me all day. 512 00:22:16,610 --> 00:22:18,570 Ned: I know, I know. It was such a long day. 513 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,741 But at least now we know we can do it, right? 514 00:22:22,199 --> 00:22:23,551 And at 6:01... 515 00:22:24,785 --> 00:22:26,452 - off the clock. - Okay. Okay. 516 00:22:26,453 --> 00:22:30,039 But, um, just because we have to keep this a secret, 517 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,476 doesn't mean you need to keep it a secret from me. 518 00:22:34,336 --> 00:22:36,504 - You didn't know? - No. 519 00:22:36,505 --> 00:22:38,214 Ned: I thought you knew. I'm sorry. 520 00:22:38,215 --> 00:22:40,550 You are a psychopath. 521 00:22:40,551 --> 00:22:41,968 But I get it. 522 00:22:41,969 --> 00:22:43,720 Okay, what are you doing tonight? 523 00:22:43,721 --> 00:22:44,971 Oh, you know what? 524 00:22:44,972 --> 00:22:47,807 I'm chasing tail with the fellas. 525 00:22:47,808 --> 00:22:50,643 Just to provide cover for us, so... 526 00:22:50,644 --> 00:22:53,229 - Thank you? - You're welcome. 527 00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:54,898 Tomorrow night? 528 00:22:54,899 --> 00:22:58,693 - No, I'm interviewing the lottery lady. - All right. 529 00:22:58,694 --> 00:23:01,446 Okay. Well, we can do the weekend maybe. 530 00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:02,989 - Yeah? - Yeah. 531 00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:05,158 - I'll take you somewhere. - Okay. 532 00:23:05,159 --> 00:23:06,409 - Yeah? - [giggles] 533 00:23:06,410 --> 00:23:07,785 Please, um... 534 00:23:07,786 --> 00:23:09,621 Forgive me for what you're about to hear. 535 00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:10,764 Okay. 536 00:23:10,867 --> 00:23:12,615 [sighs] 537 00:23:12,616 --> 00:23:14,667 Where are my MILF hunters at? 538 00:23:14,668 --> 00:23:16,502 Mare: Uh-oh. 539 00:23:16,503 --> 00:23:18,338 Whoo! 540 00:23:18,339 --> 00:23:20,506 Hey! You ready to get laid? 541 00:23:20,507 --> 00:23:22,008 We're gonna put it in some nurses? 542 00:23:22,009 --> 00:23:23,676 I'm gonna have to call you on that. 543 00:23:23,677 --> 00:23:25,637 - Those nurses are heroes, okay? - Absolutely. 544 00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:26,721 - Be careful. - I agree. 545 00:23:26,722 --> 00:23:28,640 I support all our heroes 546 00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:30,224 in and out of uniform. 547 00:23:30,225 --> 00:23:31,517 Who wants to bang a coward? 548 00:23:31,518 --> 00:23:32,727 [laughs] 549 00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:35,021 - Three guys out on the town? - I know. 550 00:23:35,022 --> 00:23:38,775 - When was the last time you guys were in love? - Travis: Mm. 551 00:23:38,776 --> 00:23:43,797 [The Scrantones' "Song from the Ninth Floor" plays] 552 00:23:46,241 --> 00:23:48,701 {\an8}Oh, showtime. 553 00:23:48,702 --> 00:23:50,036 {\an8}Come on, Ken. 554 00:23:50,037 --> 00:23:53,373 {\an8}One 12-pack of toilet roll for you. 555 00:23:53,374 --> 00:23:55,875 {\an8}And I wouldn't mind seeing the $10,000, if you please. 556 00:23:55,876 --> 00:23:57,585 {\an8}- Pure. - Pure, yep. 557 00:23:57,586 --> 00:24:00,213 {\an8}Pretty good. Two-ply, the best. 558 00:24:00,214 --> 00:24:03,859 {\an8}- It's uncut? - Well, it's perforated, which is useful. 559 00:24:05,302 --> 00:24:09,097 {\an8}But it's, uh, meth, right? 560 00:24:09,098 --> 00:24:10,682 {\an8}Meth... 561 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,392 {\an8}amphetamine? 562 00:24:12,393 --> 00:24:14,560 {\an8}Yeah, cheerio then. Off we go. 563 00:24:14,561 --> 00:24:16,104 {\an8}Let's get you home, Ken. 564 00:24:16,105 --> 00:24:20,250 {\an8}[The Scrantones' "Song from the Ninth Floor" resumes] 565 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:24,850 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0